Positive Affirmations

I planned to write about this in January... Sarah is my name procrastination is my game. This year instead of writing a list of resolutions I made a different list. My brother-in-law teaches a class at Salt Lake Community college. In his class he has his students write affirmation statements. They can be quite simple. The format is basically "I am ______" You can say strong, smart, kind, or anything you want to be, or already are, but you need to tell them to yourself every day. The concept is that if you tell yourself you are something you will start to believe it and it will become true. It makes perfect sense. So I put my list together. I forget to say them (a lot) but I'm trying. So if you are ever feeling down. You feel you aren't pretty enough, or talented. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are. You are a ten, you can take on the world and you will. Love yourself. You deserve it.

Miracles are real. I think a lot of what we say is simply coincidence truly is the Lord's hand. He cares for us and wants us to succeed. At times it may feel that He has forgotten us and isn't answering earnest prayers. This is not true, they answers usually are just coming in a round about way.

I have been going to school for quite some time now. This past semester has been rough and I couldn't find the motivation to do my school work. I have felt incredibly anxious to get out of Rexburg and move somewhere new. I've been so unsure of what to do. I also don't have the finances to go to school next semester without taking out a small loan. I have been weighing my options over and over. Until last night when I saw I had been awarded financial aid. I didn't apply for it. I have no idea why I got it. But it's there, and that was my answer as well as a huge blessing. It isn't a huge some but it will help me get by. Our Heavenly Father cares and will help us out, usually in unusual ways.

Kind genuine people are the kind of people I hope to fill my life with. Life is too short to waste time of rude people.

the civil war

I've been in a weird funk lately. In Breakfast at Tiffany's she talks of the Mean Reds, and how they are different from feeling blue. With the Mean Reds your scared, and you don't know what you are scared of. Well I seem to bounce back from feeling red and blue. I can't decide exactly how I feel. The correct word (I think) would be apathy. I seem to just be going along. I can put on a happy face and seem all cheery, which I probably am at the moment, but I get home and settle down and panic. Sort of. Its not the normal panic I get; where my heart races and I feel like I can't breath and my hands will start shaking and I just can't seem to concentrate. No, this is a silent subtle panic. I don't know.... I just don't know, and that scares me.

I've been feeling quite miserably. I feel this could have made this worse, and I feel it is the cause. It's just this snowball effect. I keep getting these terrible headaches, I feel extremely dizzy, and I feel like I can't get a deep breath. My guess is anxiety. This anxiety causes some depression which then causes anxiety, and so on and so forth. So it's this vicious battle in my mind.

truth

I am definitely one to doubt myself. I think as a human being it is pretty normal. I'm always scared to do something because in my mind the probability of it turning out how I want it to is to low. I tend to be scared and cautious. What a stupid way to act. I know.

When I started college I didn't know what I wanted to do. I ended up declaring and Elementary Education major because I love kids and I was something my parents were happy with. I didn't love it though. It was safe I almost instantly knew it wasn't for me. I would make list after list of things I could study and I kept putting art and photography down. I am such a creative person and I love being able to express myself. I could never make the jump though. I was sure that I would start into my art classes and look dumb because I didn't know as much. I doubted myself. The inner battle continued until last year. I was ready to just take a break from school for a year or so while I tried to figure out what I wanted to do. After many longs talks with my parents and prayers to my Heavenly Father the answer came so clear. I needed to go into art. That would be the only way I could stand staying in school long enough to graduate. I said to myself "Sarah, everyone has to start somewhere. You know that when you want something you will work hard for it, believe in yourself!" Now, a year later, I am an art student with an emphasis in graphic design and I love it. I am actually excited to do my homework. I even instagram it!

So, moral of the story. Take chances. Don't be afraid to fail or get rejected. If you never go out of your comfort zone you will never know what could have happened. How miserable would it be to live a life full of "what ifs?"