the civil war

I've been in a weird funk lately. In Breakfast at Tiffany's she talks of the Mean Reds, and how they are different from feeling blue. With the Mean Reds your scared, and you don't know what you are scared of. Well I seem to bounce back from feeling red and blue. I can't decide exactly how I feel. The correct word (I think) would be apathy. I seem to just be going along. I can put on a happy face and seem all cheery, which I probably am at the moment, but I get home and settle down and panic. Sort of. Its not the normal panic I get; where my heart races and I feel like I can't breath and my hands will start shaking and I just can't seem to concentrate. No, this is a silent subtle panic. I don't know.... I just don't know, and that scares me.

I've been feeling quite miserably. I feel this could have made this worse, and I feel it is the cause. It's just this snowball effect. I keep getting these terrible headaches, I feel extremely dizzy, and I feel like I can't get a deep breath. My guess is anxiety. This anxiety causes some depression which then causes anxiety, and so on and so forth. So it's this vicious battle in my mind.