Miracles are real. I think a lot of what we say is simply coincidence truly is the Lord's hand. He cares for us and wants us to succeed. At times it may feel that He has forgotten us and isn't answering earnest prayers. This is not true, they answers usually are just coming in a round about way.

I have been going to school for quite some time now. This past semester has been rough and I couldn't find the motivation to do my school work. I have felt incredibly anxious to get out of Rexburg and move somewhere new. I've been so unsure of what to do. I also don't have the finances to go to school next semester without taking out a small loan. I have been weighing my options over and over. Until last night when I saw I had been awarded financial aid. I didn't apply for it. I have no idea why I got it. But it's there, and that was my answer as well as a huge blessing. It isn't a huge some but it will help me get by. Our Heavenly Father cares and will help us out, usually in unusual ways.

Kind genuine people are the kind of people I hope to fill my life with. Life is too short to waste time of rude people.

the civil war

I've been in a weird funk lately. In Breakfast at Tiffany's she talks of the Mean Reds, and how they are different from feeling blue. With the Mean Reds your scared, and you don't know what you are scared of. Well I seem to bounce back from feeling red and blue. I can't decide exactly how I feel. The correct word (I think) would be apathy. I seem to just be going along. I can put on a happy face and seem all cheery, which I probably am at the moment, but I get home and settle down and panic. Sort of. Its not the normal panic I get; where my heart races and I feel like I can't breath and my hands will start shaking and I just can't seem to concentrate. No, this is a silent subtle panic. I don't know.... I just don't know, and that scares me.

I've been feeling quite miserably. I feel this could have made this worse, and I feel it is the cause. It's just this snowball effect. I keep getting these terrible headaches, I feel extremely dizzy, and I feel like I can't get a deep breath. My guess is anxiety. This anxiety causes some depression which then causes anxiety, and so on and so forth. So it's this vicious battle in my mind.